Forever-A-Hopeless-Romantic

  1. showslow:

    Noches, Illustrations by Melóm.

  2. I want to burst. -Just say how hurt I am. I want to cry myself to sleep every night and scream into the mirror… I don’t even know where to begin. This sea of pain, the darkness of the heart… it leaves my body cold and numb. I feel so far from the sunlight and so far away from the happiness I thought I was getting closer to. I have not been able to let go of my ex, despite all that he did to me. I wanted him to go get help. He needs it. He threatens constantly suicide and would say such things that would guilt me into seeing him again. I wanted to fix things with us. Go back to the good times. But I soon came to see, I was being toyed with, perhaps not deliberately, but being played, still the same.  I started to close off my friends again because he didn’t feel secure with me being around them. I once again began to close my own personal thoughts and opinions to him, for fear I would upset him. And then he blew up at me again, telling me, “Go to hell,” and things like, “Go spread your legs for someone else.” The he’d pour out how sorry he was and try to explain it was because of how insecure he was. He needs help. He needs to seek out help for himself, even though I know he feels it is only because I want him to be someone else’s problem. He is manic and depressed and I had no idea what else to do. I can’t go into too much detail, for I fear my words I write will echo back to him and cause more pain than either of us need. I love him, but, I cannot be with him. When we are together, we are like a ticking time-bomb, just waiting to erupt in a cataclysmic explosion of pain and suffering. And so, I said goodbye for a second…and final time. Aki has come and gone again, back searching the states for a part of himself, I think he feels he lost a long time ago. I feel guilty and try to explain why I did what I did, he simply says, “We’re over.” And I know it well. I have no regrets to it. My only guilt is that, my love had gone stagnate waiting for so long, I lost that spark. I want him to be happy. I still want him to smile and see the world through his own eyes, which is what had made me fall in love with him. Perhaps further down this path of life, we will meet again, and then pick up where we have left off. But until then, he knows I wish him the best, as he wishes it for me. A man I recently have gotten to know has caught my interest and I ask myself if I am truly that fickle. But my insecurities are getting the better of me and I fear I will push him away or perhaps my other fears will be confirmed, that I am just another fleeting moment in someone’s life, just a doll. The nights alone are cold and filled with questions and memories I’d rather not have. I wake with my pillow soaked and my body shivering. There is no warmth in these lonely nights. My only comfort is my pets and the easing worry that money won’t be an issue for the foreseeable future.   Life gets hard. We love, we lose, and we push forward. There is still a light, though dimly lit, on this path I walk…of a hopeless romantic.

    I want to burst. -Just say how hurt I am. I want to cry myself to sleep every night and scream into the mirror…

    I don’t even know where to begin. This sea of pain, the darkness of the heart… it leaves my body cold and numb. I feel so far from the sunlight and so far away from the happiness I thought I was getting closer to.

    I have not been able to let go of my ex, despite all that he did to me. I wanted him to go get help. He needs it. He threatens constantly suicide and would say such things that would guilt me into seeing him again. I wanted to fix things with us. Go back to the good times. But I soon came to see, I was being toyed with, perhaps not deliberately, but being played, still the same.  I started to close off my friends again because he didn’t feel secure with me being around them. I once again began to close my own personal thoughts and opinions to him, for fear I would upset him. And then he blew up at me again, telling me, “Go to hell,” and things like, “Go spread your legs for someone else.” The he’d pour out how sorry he was and try to explain it was because of how insecure he was. He needs help. He needs to seek out help for himself, even though I know he feels it is only because I want him to be someone else’s problem. He is manic and depressed and I had no idea what else to do. I can’t go into too much detail, for I fear my words I write will echo back to him and cause more pain than either of us need. I love him, but, I cannot be with him. When we are together, we are like a ticking time-bomb, just waiting to erupt in a cataclysmic explosion of pain and suffering. And so, I said goodbye for a second…and final time.

    Aki has come and gone again, back searching the states for a part of himself, I think he feels he lost a long time ago. I feel guilty and try to explain why I did what I did, he simply says, “We’re over.” And I know it well. I have no regrets to it. My only guilt is that, my love had gone stagnate waiting for so long, I lost that spark. I want him to be happy. I still want him to smile and see the world through his own eyes, which is what had made me fall in love with him. Perhaps further down this path of life, we will meet again, and then pick up where we have left off. But until then, he knows I wish him the best, as he wishes it for me.

    A man I recently have gotten to know has caught my interest and I ask myself if I am truly that fickle. But my insecurities are getting the better of me and I fear I will push him away or perhaps my other fears will be confirmed, that I am just another fleeting moment in someone’s life, just a doll.

    The nights alone are cold and filled with questions and memories I’d rather not have. I wake with my pillow soaked and my body shivering. There is no warmth in these lonely nights. My only comfort is my pets and the easing worry that money won’t be an issue for the foreseeable future.  

    Life gets hard. We love, we lose, and we push forward.

    There is still a light, though dimly lit, on this path I walk…of a hopeless romantic.

  10. (Source: -zanarkand, via akimaru80)

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  15. Time to build a future.

    Time to build a future.
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Share Your Thoughts or Ask A Question Here something deep within me stirs. something that I cannot control. something that pulls at the essence of my being and drags me to that place I know so well. "hello again my old friend." The darkness of the soul, of the heart, and of the mind - I want to escape on these delicate wings and find the reality within my fleeting dreams.

--------------------- --------------------- ""For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”"

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"If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me And just forget the world?"

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"There's nothing I can do My heart is chained to you And I can't get free Look what this love's done to me"

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"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”

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"I hope that you see right through my walls I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling I'll never let a love get so close You put your arms around me and I'm home"

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"I've been holding on for way too long You're always worth the wait though, I guess"

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"One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else.”

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"One thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind"

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"You make me happy whether you know it or not We should be happy, that's what I said from the start. I am so happy knowing you are the one"

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"If you just realized what I just realized. That we'd be perfect for each other and we'll never have to wonder."

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"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out."

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"A memory from your lonesome past Keeps us so far apart Why can't I free your doubtful mind And melt your cold cold heart"

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"I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating In the pain there is healing In your name I find meaning So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on I'm barely holdin' on to you"

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“You may not love me today, tomorrow, or ever, but I will love you until it kills me, and, even then, you'll be in my heart.”

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"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."

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“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone-we find it with another.”

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